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Est. 2026 · Vol. I · The Daily Grievance
Grump News
"The worst thing that happened to me today that you NEED to know about. And some other news stuff."
❖ The Gripe ❖
A Personal Affront, Reported Faithfully
A startup called ScrollEd will turn your textbook into a scroll. Any PDF, any chapter, served up as short vertical video with a quiz at the bottom. Swipe up for a new subject, sideways to go deeper into the one you are on. The founders say the idea came to them after they felt bad doomscrolling before bed. Schools and companies pay for it and get a report on how engaged everybody was. I have read the same paragraph four times tonight and none of it was vertical.
❖ The Damage Report ❖
Today's News, Ranked By How Much It Ruined My Mood
🔥 Most Enraging
Physicists measuring the strength of gravity do not let themselves see their own answer while they work, in case they nudge it toward what they expected. So the answer sat in a sealed envelope at the National Institute of Standards and Technology for ten years while the work went on. They opened the envelope. The answer disagrees with the other leading measurement, and people have been trying to pin this number down for more than two hundred years. I have mail from March I have not opened, and my reasons are worse.
😩 Most Exhausting
Everyone knows the Black Death, which went through Europe in the middle of the fourteenth century. What gets left out is that plague came back, over and over, for more than four hundred years afterward. Researchers led from the University of Tartu pulled the bacterium's DNA out of remains at eleven burial sites across northern Europe and found it kept turning into new versions and traveling with trade, migration and war. I cannot get a cold to leave in under two weeks.
😤 Unreasonably Annoying
Mammoth ivory has growth lines running through it, the way wood has grain. Eighteen thousand years ago somebody in what is now northern Ukraine carved small female figures out of that ivory and cut the decoration to follow the lines already inside it. Researchers worked it out with microscopes and 3D scans, done in a hurry because the museum holding the figures is in a country at war. I sand things flat and start again.
🤷 Somehow Also Happening
A couple in Buckinghamshire have fostered fifty nine dogs for Battersea over fifteen years, and are still at it in their sixties. Dogs arrive too stressed for the kennels and stay anywhere from two nights to eighteen months. The couple hand the rehoming staff a set of notes on each one: which toys, what time dinner, how far it likes to walk. Fifty nine. Larry has lived with me for years and I still cannot tell you what he wants at four in the afternoon.
❖ And Some Other Stuff ❖
Briefly, And With Limited Enthusiasm
▸ Scientists discover a hidden ID card in cat urine — Scent marks are a problem for cats, because a smell changes as it sits there and stops saying who left it. Researchers at Iwate University in Japan found thirteen unusual fatty acids in cat urine whose proportions differ from one cat to the next and hold steady in the same cat. Tests showed cats can tell one profile from another. Every cat is carrying identification. I was asked for mine at a pharmacy in June and came home without the prescription.
▸ This deep-sea enzyme survives heat that would destroy most of its neighbors — Nitrogen makes up most of the air, and it travels as pairs of atoms welded together too tightly for almost anything alive to break. A microbe at deep sea volcanic vents, in water hotter than boiling, breaks them anyway. The enzyme it uses keeps working at heat that would wreck most of the machinery inside a cell. Researchers in Bremen have now worked out how that enzyme is built. It performs in conditions that would finish me. So does most of my family.
▸ Scientists find that perfect systems may be surprisingly fragile — Engineers have long assumed a network runs best when its parts are as alike as possible. Physicists at Northwestern have now shown that is not always true: power grids, ecosystems and materials sometimes get steadier when their components vary. Even differences picked at random beat perfect uniformity in some of their models. Nothing in this house matches anything else in it. I have been told for years that this is a failing.
Thanks for subscribing to my grievances.
— The Grump · (and Larry)
Grumpnews. Now with 100% more eye-rolling.