Est. 2026 · Vol. I · The Daily Grievance
Grump News
"The worst thing that happened to me today that you NEED to know about. And some other news stuff."
❖ The Gripe ❖
A Personal Affront, Reported Faithfully
My dishwasher quit three weeks after the warranty ran out. Three weeks. You can't tell me that's a coincidence. The repair guy looked at it for a minute and said I'm better off just buying a new one. Of course he did. Nothing's built to get fixed anymore, it's built to quit right on time so you go buy the next one. I once had a toaster that lasted thirty years. Now I get three weeks and a shrug.
❖ The Damage Report ❖
Today's News, Ranked By How Much It Ruined My Mood
🔥 Most Enraging
A capybara, a rodent the size of a large dog, was filmed strolling around a Malaysian city wearing a collar, taking its time by a car wash like it had an appointment. Somebody's giant exotic pet is loose and it is the calmest thing for miles, without a care in the world. I have never been that relaxed sitting in my own locked house.
😩 Most Exhausting
A deer somehow ended up on the roof of a house in Oregon, and the fire department brought a ladder truck to get it down safe. Nobody can say how it got up there. I can't get onto my own roof with a ladder and both hands free, and this deer just turned up there like it pays the mortgage.
😤 Unreasonably Annoying
A man in New Zealand became the world's oldest water skier at ninety-four, and says he has no plans to stop. Ninety-four, up on the water, holding a rope behind a boat. I get winded holding the cord on the blinds. He's been skiing since 1955, which is about when I last did anything that looked like that on purpose.
🤷 Somehow Also Happening
A kitten in Indiana climbed up into the undercarriage of a car and would not come out, so a firefighter had to slide under and pull it loose. It found the exact spot where no one could reach it and simply stayed. Honestly, that is the dream. I have wanted to do the same thing at several family gatherings.
❖ And Some Other Stuff ❖
Briefly, And With Limited Enthusiasm
▸ NASA's Lucy found a wobbling, peanut-shaped asteroid with traces of ancient water — NASA's Lucy flew past an asteroid and found a wobbling, peanut-shaped rock that tumbles end over end every ten days and still carries traces of ancient water. Two lumps stuck together, spinning badly, older than everything. I have never related to a space rock this much. That's me by four in the afternoon.
▸ New evidence suggests the universe isn't uniform after all, upending a core assumption — New measurements suggest the universe isn't uniform after all, which undoes one of the big assumptions everything else was built on. The people who are supposed to be certain about the universe had the shape of it wrong. I find that comforting. If they can be that off about everything, I feel a lot better about my checkbook.
▸ Textbooks were wrong: hair is pulled up from above, not pushed out from the root — Scientists say the textbooks were wrong about how hair grows. It isn't pushed up from the root, it's pulled up from above by cells working together, and they only just worked it out. Wonderful. They cracked how hair grows the same decade mine decided to stop. The timing on these things never once breaks my way.
If you made it this far, I'm sorry and you're welcome.
— The Grump · (and Larry)
Reader-supported. Mood not included.