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Est. 2026 · Vol. I · The Daily Grievance
Grump News
"The worst thing that happened to me today that you NEED to know about. And some other news stuff."
❖ The Gripe ❖
A Personal Affront, Reported Faithfully
Apple announced a watch on Wednesday that listens to your conversations and takes notes on them. Ambient listening, they call it. Afterward it hands you a title, a summary and the key points. The two examples the company offered were a team meeting and a parent teacher conference, which are the two conversations in a life where you were already supposed to be paying attention. The same watch now reads your heart rate every five seconds, sixty times more often than the last one, and gives you a score each morning for how ready you are. So it grades whether I am up to the day and then takes the minutes on what I said during it. Four hundred dollars. If a summary of my own conversations were any use to me I would have asked for one in 1974.
❖ The Damage Report ❖
Today's News, Ranked By How Much It Ruined My Mood
🔥 Most Enraging
Massachusetts is now telling anyone building a data center over twenty five megawatts to bring their own electricity, and all of it has to be clean. Generate it on site, fund new generation nearby, or pay into a fund that protects everyone else's bill. The state also told towns to stop signing nondisclosure agreements about these projects. Third state in three months, after Texas in August and New York in July. For years the data centers were handed tax breaks just to show up. Now the argument is over who pays. Nobody has ever asked me to bring my own power to anything. I bring a folding chair and I have twice been told that was too much.
😩 Most Exhausting
Researchers at Imperial College London went through UK medical records, four parallel studies of about twenty thousand people each, comparing people who started a GLP-1 drug against people who started an older diabetes pill. The ones on semaglutide had nearly forty percent fewer asthma attacks and about twenty percent fewer COPD flare ups. It was presented at a respiratory congress in Barcelona this week, and the lead researcher was careful to say nobody should start taking it for their lungs. This drug keeps turning out to be accidentally good at things nobody asked it to do. I have been asked to do one thing at a time my entire life and have not managed it.
😤 Unreasonably Annoying
Three stones stand in a field in North Yorkshire, up to twenty three feet tall, and nobody knew where they came from. Researchers at Curtin University lifted mineral grains off them with sticky tape, matched the fingerprints, and traced them to Brimham Rocks, eleven miles away across hard ground. There was closer rock available and they did not use it, so somebody decided the far source mattered. Four thousand years ago, eleven miles, fifty five thousand pounds a stone, because the place it came from meant something. I had a wardrobe carried up one flight of stairs and the men who did it left a note about it.
🤷 Somehow Also Happening
For decades the American cheetah was the tidy explanation for why the pronghorn runs so fast. A cheetah shaped cat chased them across Ice Age North America, so they got quicker and stayed that way. Genomes from fossils up to thirty one thousand years old now say it was never a cheetah. It was a close relative of the puma that happened to evolve the same narrow build, and the northern ones lived in the Arctic Yukon eating salmon. The animal was always there. It was simply never the animal anyone said it was. I have been braced for a particular kind of trouble since about 1998. The trouble came. It was simply not the one I had prepared for.
❖ And Some Other Stuff ❖
Briefly, And With Limited Enthusiasm
▸ Have we found alien life? Hundreds of scientists weigh in — After the two big announcements last year, possible biological molecules around an exoplanet in the spring and leopard spotted minerals in a Martian rock that autumn, somebody did the thing nobody normally does and asked the whole field. Hundreds of astrobiologists, surveyed within days of each headline. On the exoplanet, six point six percent thought life had probably been found. On the Mars rock, fifteen point one. The bigger move was at the other end, where the share who flatly rejected the claim fell from thirty five percent to eleven. That is not the field deciding life was found. That is the field declining to rule it out. The press releases said strongest hints yet. The field said probably not, and said it less firmly the second time. That is the most honest anyone has been with me all week.
▸ Harvey hits $15.5B valuation, months after reaching $11B — A legal AI company raised another five hundred and fifty million dollars at a valuation of fifteen and a half billion. In March it was eleven billion. Last December it was eight. That is roughly double in nine months, and the company did not bother to name the round, though somebody counted at least eight of them since 2023. The profession being automated here is the one that reads the paperwork. Nothing I own has ever doubled in nine months. Something I owned halved in an afternoon once, and there was no press release about that.
▸ Parachute science is failing the tropics, home to more than 80% of insect species — More than eighty percent of insect species live in the tropics and almost none of the science does. Researchers at Monash University found that nearly twenty six percent of the world's insect distribution records come from the United Kingdom alone. A quarter of what we know about where the insects are comes from one damp island. They also looked at butterflies in Bangladesh and found a hundred and eleven studies, of which thirty four had reached an international journal and three were actually about conservation. Flying in, taking what you need and leaving has a name, and the name is parachute science. I hold firm views about places I have never been to.
Go forth and be unimpressed.
— The Grump · (and Larry)
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