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Est. 2026 · Vol. I · The Daily Grievance
Grump News
"The worst thing that happened to me today that you NEED to know about. And some other news stuff."
❖ The Gripe ❖
A Personal Affront, Reported Faithfully
A new study followed over a hundred and thirty thousand adults with chronic insomnia for five years and found the ones on long-term melatonin had a ninety percent higher risk of heart failure. Hospitalization for it was three and a half times more likely. The lead researcher said melatonin may not be as harmless as commonly assumed, and also said, in the same breath, that the study cannot actually prove melatonin caused any of it. Ninety percent higher, and also, we don't really know. I have used the same over the counter sleep aid for years because a stranger recommended it in a parking lot, and I have never once asked what happens after year one.
❖ The Damage Report ❖
Today's News, Ranked By How Much It Ruined My Mood
🔥 Most Enraging
Geologists found that the plate under northern Oregon sits five kilometers shallower than previously measured, with a pocket of sediment near Tillamook that could trap and prolong the shaking. Together, they could raise the force of the next Cascadia earthquake along the coast by up to seventeen percent. Nobody knows when it happens. They just recalculated it to be worse than it already was. I do not know what is structurally beneath my own house and I am choosing not to find out this week.
😩 Most Exhausting
Six people with rheumatoid arthritis so severe that up to eight treatments over a decade had failed them were given an experimental cell therapy, and three went into remission with no medication, for at least a year. One of the three relapsed anyway. Researchers call it early and are already recruiting ten more patients to test it properly. Three out of six, for people nothing else had worked on. I have complained about a stiff knee to four people this month and taken none of their advice.
😤 Unreasonably Annoying
Nvidia's actual advantage now has less to do with the chip and more to do with moving data around it fast enough that the chip doesn't sit there waiting. A new system reportedly triples the speed of that part alone. The company that used to win by selling you a faster processor is now winning by selling you better traffic control. I have never once organized anything so well that speed stopped being the bottleneck.
🤷 Somehow Also Happening
Researchers recreated the pressure and heat found deep under iron rich rock in Western Australia and found the rock was generating hydrogen gas on its own, no drilling required. One researcher called it a massive untapped energy reserve. It is early, nobody has measured how much is actually down there, and it held up in the lab for sixty days straight. The ground has apparently been making fuel this whole time and nobody asked it to. I have a junk drawer that has never produced anything of value.
❖ And Some Other Stuff ❖
Briefly, And With Limited Enthusiasm
▸ Hollywood celebs are getting into microdrama apps — Several actual celebrities are now appearing in three minute phone dramas designed to end on a cliffhanger right before the payment screen. James Franco plays a werewolf CEO. Kim Kardashian just invested in one instead of starring in it. The category is expected to bring in one and a half billion dollars this year. I have never paid to find out what happens next in anything, mostly out of spite.
▸ Some signs of quantum gravity may be an illusion — Physicists thought they had found early signs that gravity itself behaves like a quantum particle, then worked out that the same result also happens if it is just an ordinary particle moving through an ordinary gravitational field. So the mystery is not solved and not real yet either. I have had arguments that resolved the exact same way.
▸ Researchers unveil sustainable spirulina solution to vitamin B12 deficiency — Researchers changed the lighting conditions on a batch of spirulina and got it to produce a usable form of vitamin B12 at levels that beat beef. It is still lab scale, with no real plan yet for getting it onto an actual plate. A pond algae outperforming a cow, in theory, for now. I have eaten the same lunch four days running and produced nothing of comparable value.
Larry is judging you. He judges everyone.
— The Grump · (and Larry)
Larry didn't read this. Larry never reads anything.