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Est. 2026 · Vol. I · The Daily Grievance
Grump News
"The worst thing that happened to me today that you NEED to know about. And some other news stuff."
❖ The Gripe ❖
A Personal Affront, Reported Faithfully
Uber announced it is cutting thirty three hundred people, ten percent of its staff, to fund its push into robotaxis. Management jobs are down twenty percent, teams of one or two people are being cut in half, and remote work is basically gone. The CEO explained it as growth having brought complexity, more layers, more coordination, structures that no longer serve us well at our current scale. Ten percent of a company, filed under complexity. I have described my own messy garage using nicer words than that and I was talking about a garage.
❖ The Damage Report ❖
Today's News, Ranked By How Much It Ruined My Mood
🔥 Most Enraging
Geologists spent over a dozen years tracking GPS stations across East Africa and found the ground moving in a direction nobody expected, running parallel to the rift instead of pulling straight apart. The cause traces back to an enormous plume of hot rock rising from deep under the southwest part of the continent. One researcher compared slowly stretched rock to Silly Putty, versus a hammer strike, which cracks it. Africa, over some unspecified number of millions of years, is being pulled apart by something patient. I have been undone by considerably less patient forces, mostly emails.
😩 Most Exhausting
A Montana woman's doorbell camera caught a moose charging at her and her dogs in her own backyard, and she stopped it cold with a can of bear spray. She said she was less worried about herself than about her fourteen year old dog, who is deaf and losing her sight. The moose turned and left. Everyone made it back inside unhurt. A woman fought off an animal several times her size to protect a dog who could not see it coming. I have hesitated to open my own front door because the mail truck was outside.
😤 Unreasonably Annoying
Police in Washington state responded to a report of a burglar breaking into a home and found a bobcat perched at the top of the stairs instead. They used a drone to herd it into an empty room, then waited for wildlife officials to sedate it and release it back into the wild. Investigators think it climbed a tree, jumped through an open window, and was probably chasing the resident's own cat, which turned up fine. A cat burglar, literally, apprehended by drone. I have called pest control for considerably less alarming noises coming from my own attic.
🤷 Somehow Also Happening
A Wyoming woman fled her car when she saw a three foot bull snake vanish into the frame near the wheel well, and it took a bank manager, police, an animal control officer, and a car dealership with a hydraulic lift to finally get it out. The snake held on stubbornly until it poked its head out on the lift, where officers grabbed it and released it back into the wild. Police announced the arrest on Facebook with every S replaced by a hiss. An entire dealership mobilized against one snake that would not let go of a car. I have let go of considerably less over considerably smaller provocations.
❖ And Some Other Stuff ❖
Briefly, And With Limited Enthusiasm
▸ Watch: Talented dog jumps across backs of 56 people to break world record — A four year old Australian shepherd named Chardonnay broke a Guinness record by jumping across the backs of fifty six people lined up in an outfield, finishing in sixteen seconds against a one minute limit. Her trainer says jumping across backs is just one of many tricks and they are already planning to break the record again. Sixteen seconds, fifty six backs, room to spare. I have tripped over a single doormat that was not even raised.
▸ Solar sails hit a relativistic drag problem at 75% light speed — Physicists modeling laser pushed solar sails found that once a spacecraft hits about seventy five percent of light speed, scattered light starts pushing backward on it hard enough to cut the propulsion efficiency, even though the total force stays positive. The sail keeps moving forward. It just does it worse than expected, for reasons baked into the physics of light itself. Interstellar travel now has a specific, quantified new problem nobody had to invent. I have also slowed down for no external reason anyone can point to.
▸ N.C. woman tries online lottery game for the first time, wins $325,758 — A North Carolina woman played an online instant-win lottery game for the first time ever, taught by her mother, and won three hundred twenty five thousand dollars. She is splitting the winnings with her mother as thanks for teaching her how to play. Her half is going toward a cosmetology business. First try, no experience, a quarter million dollars and a career plan. I have been doing several things for years with nothing to show for any of them.
See you tomorrow, assuming none of us snap.
— The Grump · (and Larry)
Grumpnews. Filtered through one bad morning at a time.