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Elon's new company is private. These 3 tickers aren't.
The next Apple may already exist. Insider sources say Elon has spent two years building a secret device inside Tesla's facilities — one he claims will be "10x bigger than the largest product in history."
There's just one problem: the company is private, and unless you know Elon personally, you can't buy a single share. That was true until Guardian's research team found three public ticker symbols sitting in the launch supply chain.
Click here to see all 3 tickers, free of charge.
You won't hear these names on CNBC — Wall Street hasn't published a word on the connection. But when the launch hits September 21, that quiet ends.
Some are already calling this the biggest opportunity since AI. For anyone who missed Apple before the iPhone, this may be a second look at that kind of setup.
Est. 2026 · Vol. I · The Daily Grievance
Grump News
"The worst thing that happened to me today that you NEED to know about. And some other news stuff."
❖ The Gripe ❖
A Personal Affront, Reported Faithfully
Researchers at University College Cork in Ireland studied 62 people. Half of them drink three to five cups of coffee a day, and half do not drink it at all. The coffee drinkers gave it up for two weeks and were then put back on it, some on regular and some on decaf. Both kinds were linked to lower scores for stress, depression and impulsivity. Decaf went with better learning and memory, and regular went with less anxiety and better attention. The coffee drinkers also carried more of certain gut bacteria. One of the researchers says coffee is more than just caffeine. The study was paid for by the Institute for Scientific Information on Coffee. I drink four cups a day and I am like this.
❖ The Damage Report ❖
Today's News, Ranked By How Much It Ruined My Mood
🔥 Most Enraging
Researchers at the University of Florida went through health records from 2012 to 2024 for 2,750 people with mild cognitive impairment and 1,896 people with Alzheimer's disease and related dementias. About eight percent of each group took glucosamine, the supplement sold for sore joints. In the mild impairment group, people taking it were 25 percent more likely to progress to dementia. In the dementia group, taking it went with a 25 percent higher risk of death. The team also looked at human brain tissue and mice, but they say this shows an association, not proof, and clinical trials are needed. I have taken it for my joints for six years and my joints have never once said thank you.
😩 Most Exhausting
Paul Sutter, writing for Universe Today, walks through whether the universe is infinite. Measurements of the cosmic microwave background, the leftover light from the early universe, say space looks flat. Flat does not mean endless. What we can see might be a small patch of a much bigger curved universe, or space could wrap around on itself, and mathematicians have counted 17 possible shapes that fit a flat universe. Astronomers have looked for the same patterns or galaxies turning up in more than one part of the sky, which would give it away, and have found no convincing evidence. I have been looking for the end of the same roll of packing tape since Friday.
😤 Unreasonably Annoying
Near Toulon, in the commune of Ollioules, Dominique Berdin runs a greenhouse growing more than twenty kinds of tropical fruit, including passion fruit, pineapples, mangoes and papayas, all year and without pesticides. She says she is probably the only papaya grower in France and that the climate there is now suitable for these crops. A young agronomist named Johan Bultel grows 26 varieties of banana. A dragon fruit grower in the area doubled yields with help from a local agronomist. Another farmer, Isabelle Pertois, says it is like being in the Caribbean. My lemon tree has produced one lemon in four years and I was expected to be grateful.
🤷 Somehow Also Happening
Archaeologists digging at Buyukkale, the royal palace of the ancient Hittite capital of Hattusa, found a clay tablet fragment during excavations in 2025. It carries articles 12 through 20 of the Peace of Kadesh, agreed around 1300 BCE between Egypt under Ramses II and the Hittites. It came after years of stalemate that followed what may have been the largest chariot battle in history. The treaty promised eternal friendship, nonaggression and mutual help. Turkey's culture and tourism minister, Mehmet Nuri Ersoy, announced the find after about a year of study. My neighbor and I have been in a stalemate over the recycling bins for three summers and nobody is writing any of it down.
❖ And Some Other Stuff ❖
Briefly, And With Limited Enthusiasm
▸ Scientists rebuilt 160-million-year-old germ-fighting proteins, and some beat ours — Researchers at the University of Oregon reconstructed ancient versions of lactoferrin, an immune protein found in tears, saliva and breast milk, as it existed in mammal ancestors around the end of the Jurassic. Some of the ancient versions did better against drug-resistant bacteria than the modern human one, and a single change to one amino acid made one much stronger. The catch is that these peptides break down quickly inside the body. Something from the Jurassic is outperforming me, and I lose to a light draft.
▸ Blood tests show why astronauts get constipated in space — Researchers at the University of Copenhagen, working with NASA, analyzed blood from 52 astronauts who spent months on the International Space Station. Their gut bacteria changed within weeks. Food moves more slowly through the intestine up there, so bacteria ferment more protein instead of fiber, which produces compounds linked to kidney damage and possibly to mood and concentration. The findings could matter for trips to Mars and for bedridden patients on Earth. I have not been to space and would like to know what my excuse is.
▸ A chubby 309-million-year-old creature has been named after two interns' mothers — Allison Sefcovic and Payton Kohlberg, Women in Science interns at the Field Museum in Chicago, worked on a new fossil species from Mazon Creek, near present-day Chicago. It lived 309 million years ago, before the dinosaurs, and looked like a salamander but was squat and chubby like a frog. Both interns have mothers named Jean, so it is now Jeanerpeton mazonensis, Jean's crawler from Mazon Creek. Larry is not named after anybody. He came with it.
Thanks for subscribing to my grievances.
— The Grump · (and Larry)
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