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Est. 2026 · Vol. I · The Daily Grievance
Grump News
"The worst thing that happened to me today that you NEED to know about. And some other news stuff."
❖ The Gripe ❖
A Personal Affront, Reported Faithfully
A company wants six thousand eight hundred and eighty dollars for a telephone. Not a car. A telephone. It is wrapped in calfskin, and the big selling point is an AI assistant that runs your life for you. Except a reviewer tried it, asked it to set a reminder for a quarter to three in the morning, and it set one for nine at night. Then it tried to book a trip and gave up. Six thousand eight hundred and eighty dollars, and underneath the leather it is an eleven-hundred-dollar phone somebody else already makes. My phone cost me nothing, does the one thing I ask, and has never once tried to run my life. I intend to keep it that way.
❖ The Damage Report ❖
Today's News, Ranked By How Much It Ruined My Mood
🔥 Most Enraging
For years the car people could not tell you fast enough to go electric. It was the future, it was responsible, there was a tax break. So some folks listened and bought one. Then the government killed the tax break, and the carmakers started killing the cars, nine models gone this year, Volkswagen back to selling gas. The people who listened are driving a car nobody makes anymore. That is the reward for listening. I built a life out of not listening, and for once it paid off.
😩 Most Exhausting
Researchers ran about a hundred people through the plan where you only eat inside an eight-hour window, and a year on they had kept off a few more pounds than the ones just told to eat better. It works, a little, if you can do it. Two out of three of them could not keep it up. So the trick is real and almost nobody sticks with it, which is the whole story of every good idea about my body I have ever been handed.
😤 Unreasonably Annoying
Scientists found the tiny bits of plastic now floating in the drinking water are making the bacteria in it tougher, thickening the slime they hide in so the disinfectant cannot reach them. So the plastic we cannot get out of the water is running defense for the germs we also cannot get out of the water. Two problems I did not have when I was young have teamed up. I drink from the tap anyway. I have run out of decades to be careful.
🤷 Somehow Also Happening
Astronomers found a sun-like star thirteen hundred light-years off that appears to have eaten one of its own planets, and they can tell because it is now full of a metal only planets carry. A whole planet, gone, swallowed by the very thing it was circling. Somewhere out there a star ate its own family and the only evidence left is that it looks a little shinier now. I have known people like that. I did not think the sky had them too.
❖ And Some Other Stuff ❖
Briefly, And With Limited Enthusiasm
▸ Firefighters rescued a pony stuck in a muddy Pennsylvania creek — Firefighters in Pennsylvania got called out to haul a seven-hundred-pound pony out of a creek after it wandered in and sank into the deep mud. They used ropes, a board, straps, and finally a bucket truck to lift the thing free. A whole crew turned out with a crane to get one stuck pony unstuck. I get stuck in my own recliner, and the most anyone offers is to yell that I should rock forward and try again.
▸ Koalas nearly went extinct before humans ever arrived, DNA study reveals — A DNA study of koalas found they nearly died out about a hundred thousand years ago, tens of thousands of years before a single person set foot in Australia, when the climate turned on them. So every koala alive came through the eye of that one needle, with nobody to blame but the weather. I have blamed the weather for far less than a near-extinction and felt completely justified doing it.
▸ 31,075 skydives in one day across 43 countries set a world record — Thirty-one thousand people in forty-three countries jumped out of airplanes on the same day to set a world record for the most skydives in twenty-four hours, beating the old mark by a few hundred. Thirty-one thousand people looked at a perfectly good airplane and chose the door. I have paid good money to avoid exactly that, and given the chance I would pay it again.
Larry needs a walk and I need a nap.
— The Grump · (and Larry)
Forwarded by people who refuse to suffer alone.